Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Shame is for Republicans.
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