Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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