Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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