Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize