I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This toilet bowl is my home.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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