but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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