So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had me at cake vodka
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize