If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize