Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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