So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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