you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
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My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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