I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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