i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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