If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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