Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize