I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize