if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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