don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I just sharted jello shots
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