I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
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im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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