what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize