literally had 100 drinks last night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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