Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
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And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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