thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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