I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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