watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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