Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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