I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize