I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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