my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize