When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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