I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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