There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
vagina is talking i cant
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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