It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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