My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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