Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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