you traded sex for a burrito?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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