Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize