can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize