I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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