despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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