i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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