I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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