yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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