he thought i was a dude.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize