how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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