why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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