Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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