Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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