I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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