What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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